Bikinis: I give in

Praia do Curral, Ilhabela

I'm English, ok.  As a result, I don't feel comfortable wearing a bikini unless I have what is known as a 'bikini body'.  I don't have a bikini body.  Far from it.  Actually, before I went to Ilhabela the other week, I didn't even own a bathing costume because I'm that insecure about showing skin.

Anyhoo, my girlfriend managed to convince me before hitting the beach to at least buy a sports bra, a vest and a pair of bicycle shorts.  One trip to C&A later and I was sorted.

We spent the entire day on the beach on the first day and that experience brought me to the following conclusion: a bikini is the only way to go in Brazil.  I was very hot the whole day and Kelly spent the whole time pointing out women the size of whales wearing bikinis.  "See? She's wearing a bikini... so is she... and her.... I'm fat, I'm wearing a bikini," she said.

It was about 28 degrees and I was uncomfortably hot, god help me in the summer when it hits 40 on a hot day and I'm wearing bloody bicycle shorts.

Cachoeira da Toca, Ilhabela

P.S. DO NOT GO TO CACHOEIRA DA TOCA.  The mosquitos are total bastard and the citronella oil makes no difference whatsoever. And the waterfall isn't particularly impressive.

Brazilians speak PORTUGUESE

N.B. This blog isn’t directed at anyone in particular.

English people like to talk about Americans like they’re idiots.  They’re not idiots, they wouldn’t be so successful at so many different things if that were the case.  What they do have a tendency towards is ignorance. 

This is because of the way the majority of them are educated (and I’m not necessarily talking about schooling) – they are not encouraged to show much interest in anything outside of their borders.  They also tend to put different types of people into stereotype boxes in their minds.  This often means that when they travel outside of their own country, they suffer from a terrible case of foot-in-mouth disease.  They make horrific generalisations about various different nationalities, races and countries, e.g. everyone in Africa is starving or has AIDs (your eyes may have widened there – I’m not kidding, I’ve heard this before), all South Americans are poor/criminals/drug-smugglers, all Arabs are terrorists, and Canadians are boring (OK, I’ll give them that one – I lived there for 18 months).

Again, this is not idiocy it’s ignorance.  If you’re ignorant, you can learn.  Not all Americans are this way, just a significant majority.  I’m half-American myself, and I have plenty of American friends who are not in any way ignorant.

Now I’m going to get to my point: Americans are not the only nationality prone to ignorance.  Everyone is.  I have recently experienced jaw-dropping ignorance from Canadians, Brits, Aussies, and various Europeans.

When I think about it, I learnt absolutely nothing about South America in school. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.  It wasn’t a British colony at some point, so it wasn’t of interest to the British educational system.  So, I came here only knowing what I’d read in the news or what my Brazilian friends in London had told me, which is not the best way to educate yourself about a country.  I have learnt a lot since then but I am definitely no expert.

However, I’m going to clear up a few questions so you don’t embarrass yourself or seriously offend a Brazilian next time you speak to one/visit the country:

Brazilians speak Spanish, right?

NO THEY DON’T.  The national language is Portuguese.  Although the languages are similar in a lot of respects, they sound totally different.  You might run into the odd Brazilian in Brazil who speaks Spanish, but only in the same way you might run into the odd Brazilian who can speak English.  They generally just speak Portuguese.  If you come here, bring a goddamn phrasebook for chrissakes.

I didn’t know there were blonde Brazilians…
* facepalms *  Never ever EVER say that to a Brazilian!  Brazilians come in all different shapes, colours, and sizes.  There is no particular ‘Brazilian’ identifying physical feature.  Everyone can look like a Brazilian – and I mean everyone: there is a sizeable Brazilian-Asian community, for instance.  I’ve met Brazilians of various different descents: Japanese, Korean, Bangladeshi, Indian, German, Dutch, Spanish, Italian…the list is endless.

Is it safe?

Do you walk down dark, unlit streets in bad neighbourhoods on a regular basis?  No, neither do I.  So, don’t do it here either and you won’t have a problem.  Don’t flash your iPhone 4S and your Prada sunglasses around in public and probably no one will take any interest in you, criminally speaking.  Show off the fact you’re a gringo (talking English at the top of your voice) and that you’re on holiday, at your peril be it.  Basically, don’t be a dick.

I’ve heard they’re really lazy and just party all the time…
It’s true, Brazilians know how to enjoy themselves, but not at the expense of making a living.  Hardworking Brazilians work a hell of a lot harder than hardworking Europeans.  At the top of the scale, it is pretty common for professionals (accountants, lawyers etc.) to work 10/12-hour days in São Paulo as a matter of course – not just under special circumstances.  I have students who frequently work longer hours a couple of times a week (and manage to fit in study time for English and MBAs).  At the bottom of the scale, people in what we would consider the working class often hold down more than one job or business to make ends meet.

Is there malaria?

No, this isn’t Africa.  Read the FCO website you lazy git.  No malaria, small risk of Yellow Fever – but only in the north of the country.  Get a jab and do your bloody homework.

It’s amazing how much they travel, considering…

Considering what, exactly?  That they’re poor?  They have rich people here too, y’know.  And they have a rapidly expanding middle class.  They can probably afford to travel more than you can, because your economy is crap and theirs isn’t.

Do they have cars?

Fuck.  Off.

Helpful tip:
Don’t put down Brazil as a country in conversation with a Brazilian.  Don’t bitch about their education system, don’t criticize their government, and don’t tell them how corrupt their politicians are.  Brazilians are not in the habit of putting other people down (unless they’re talking about Argentina or Paraguay), so be polite and don’t do it to them.  Brazilians are generally inquisitive in a positive way and will avoid offence.  If you’re British and you have a tendency towards criticism (which we do), bite your tongue.  You inevitably know less about their country than they do.  Don’t be so arrogant and condescending as to tell them what’s wrong with their country.  They are fully aware of their country’s defects, they don’t need you listing them out.  If they offer up a conversation with national comparisons, it is not an invitation to be negative.  If you're going to ask a question/make a statement, ask yourself "would I be offended if someone from another country asked/said this to me about my country?" before you open your mouth.  If the answer is "yes", shut up.

Parada Gay São Paulo

Avenida Paulista at the beginning of the Parade

Ok, so this happened last month but it's still worth blogging about.

The São Paulo gay parade is the largest gay pride event in terms of attendance in the world.  If you've ever experienced Carnaval in the streets (not the Sambadrome), it's basically that but with gay people and very loud house music.

This year on Sunday the 10th of June there were roughly 3 million attendees, which is less than last year's 3.5 million.  Apparently there were security issues last year (petty theft, homophobic violence).  I think there was a death one year.  Brazil is a traditionally Catholic country and, despite heavy support from the government, Parada Gay still touches a nerve with a lot of people.  However, this year's event went off without a hitch.

In typical Brazilian style, it started late.

Despite the huge amount of people on Avenida Paulista, there weren't any actual crowding issues.  If you wanted to, you could get into the mosh pit following each one of the 12 trio elétricos (giant floats).  Or, like me, you could calmly stand on the pavement bopping your head to the music.

The weather was sunny, the temperature was mild, the atmosphere was joyful.  It was a lot of fun.

Afterwards, we walked down Frei Caneca (Gayville, SP) and stopped outside a lesbian bar that was blaring out house music and took part in a popular Brazilian pastime: drinking beer outdoors.

We went home about 6pm because I had been partying nonstop since Wednesday evening and I desperately needed to sleep.

The VIP area.  Politicians, mostly.

Me and Kelly (my girlfriend)

Me and a famous SP drag queen called Kchaka (I think) 

Giant floating condoms: "Protect your pride, wear a condom"

The theme of the Parade was "Homophobia has a cure: Education and Criminalisation"

Gay bar on Frei Caneca, later on in the evening.

Been a while!

Right, I haven't posted for ages because I've been busy with a new relationship and being all lovey-dovey and all that boring romantic stuff that gets in the way of writing blogs.

I have done a few things that warrant blogging, but they're ages ago now and I like to write about things when they're fresh in my mind, so I'll file them away for another time.  Probably worth blogging on Parada Gay, though.

I'm very happy and settled.  I've moved in with my girlfriend to Gayville, SP.  It's like Clapham Common without all the green stuff.  My Portuguese is coming along slowly.  According to my girlfriend (Brazilian, also an English teacher) I'm a Basic 2.  This means I make horrific mistakes when I speak but I can communicate and make myself understood.  I understand most things said to me.

I have been slacking off, so I'm trying to start a '1 hour a day minimum' for speaking Portuguese with my girlfriend and I've got a book that I intend to start studying soon to help with the grammar and vocabulary, etc.  I watch some Brazilian TV programmes (I still don't get and can't stand Brazilian soaps) and if there's a film on that I've seen before, I watch it in Portuguese with Portuguese subtitles incase I miss something.  I watched the whole of Pan's Labyrinth that way and I understood everything.

Business is a bit slow because of the school holidays, but it's starting to pick up.  I need to push for more private students so I can save for the next holiday period in December/January/February which will be completely dead.

Anyhoo, normal service shall resume in the next few days.  Future posts will probably lean more on the observational side because I'm not a tourist anymore and I'm now more ensconced in Brazilian culture than I was before.

Caipirinhas and I don't see eye to eye

For the uninitiated, the caipirinha is a cachaca-based alcoholic drink (cachaca being an extremely strong Brazilian version of rum).  It is the most popular distilled alcoholic drink in Brazil.  The drink is traditionally made by crushing up pieces of lime and sugar in a glass, then mixing in ice and filling the rest of the glass with the previously mentioned cachaca.  It can also be made with vodka and pretty much any fruit the barman can manage to pulverize into the glass.  The strawberry one is particularly good - especially since it completely masks the taste of the alcohol.


Caipirinha is an extremely potent drink.  If you haven't been to Brazil, you may think that you've already tried it at some snazzy West End bar and it wasn't really that bad.  Trust me, that wasn't a caipirinha.  In England, there are specific measures for shots of liquor that pubs and bars have to stick to.  In Brazil, there are no such measures.  Here, they don't serve caipirinhas in piffly little whiskey glasses, they serve them in what looks like a half-pint glass (sometimes bigger).


Anyways.  I went out to a very cheesy gay bar on Monday night.  As I surveyed the 18/19-year-old clientelle and listened to the godawful American pop music pumping out of the sound system, I thought to myself: "I'm going to need a lot more alcohol in my bloodstream to enjoy this".  So, I decided to order a caipirinha.  Apparently I ordered one with vodka (or so I'm informed).  I drank it sort of quicklyish and started enjoying myself a bit more.  I then began slurring, the room started spinning, I went out for a cigarette and felt nauseous, and finally I went downstairs and fell asleep at a table.  My girlfriend had to physically accost me for my swipe card at the end of the evening(/morning?) to pay the bill.  I do remember watching a bit of the drag show.  She did a stage dive.


It seems that every time I have a caipirinha (or two) I end up falling asleep.  That happened on Friday when I had two of them....and back in March when I had three.


Basically, I need to steer clear.  I'm supposed to be going to The Week on Saturday night and falling asleep on the dancefloor is never a good look.

Motels in Brazil

What do you think when I say 'Motel'? (Don't answer this if you're Brazilian).  The first thing that comes to mind is probably something like this:

If you watch 'My Name Is Earl' you'll know that the character Earl and his brother Randy live in a motel suite together.  The word 'Motel' is short for "motorway hotel".  The concept was begun in America in the 1920's, hitting it's peak in the 1950's & 60's, and then went into decline with the increase in popularity of chain hotels.


The original idea was simply to supply cheap accommodation to motorists travelling along highways on long journeys.  Motels appear frequently in American movies as cheap, sleazy, dirty, trashy places to stay.  They don't have a good rep.

Motels in Brazil, on the other hand, are a very VERY different kettle of fish.  Their primary purpose is not for sleep.


I shall explain in context.  In Brazil (and most of Latin America), it is very common for children to live with their parents until they are married.  In the past, this meant leaving home in your late teens to early 20's at the latest.  These days, a lot of people stay with their parents until their mid to late 20's.  I've even heard of a couple of people still with their parents into their 30's.  I find the latter weird.


This all means that if you get yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend before you're married (which is everyone), it is quite common that neither party will have somewhere private to 'consummate' the relationship.  Most Brazilians will not have sex in their parents home.  And before you say "well neither would Europeans/North Americans": YES they WOULD.  I've done it.


So, Brazilians are quite accustomed to using Motels.  I suppose in English we would normally refer to these as 'adult motels' or 'love hotels'.  I don't exactly know the history of the Motel in Brazil, but I'm assuming it started with demand for somewhere nice to carry out an extra-marital affair.  


These days, it is a perfectly socially acceptable and totally un-embarassing way to add spice to a normal marriage or a relationship (you don't have to be cheating on someone). Some motels have suites that are so large and fully-featured with things like pool tables, flat screen televisions, games consoles, DJ decks, disco floors, jacuzzis, swimming pools, saunas, etc that people just rent them out to have a party.


The experience of going to a motel is so incredibly relaxing (no noise, no interruptions) that people often go just to escape everyday life for a few hours.  You can rent a motel room/suite for a period of a few hours or as long as overnight.


The suite I went to (don't worry, I won't go into graphic detail) had it's own garage, two floors, round four-poster bed, huge bathroom, two flatscreen televisions (one on each floor), home cinema sound system, CD player, radio, fridge, dining area, deck with lounge chairs, massive jacuzzi and sauna.  We actually spent most of our time in the jacuzzi chatting.  The decor was a bit corny in places but the jacuzzi made me completely forget about it.  There aren't words to describe how incredibly relaxed I felt after 4 hours.  The only thing that would have a similar effect would be Valium.


Motels are common throughout Latin America: it's not a particularly Brazilian phenomenon.


Personally, I absolutely loved the experience.  Next time I'm taking a suite for 12 hours... 4 hours wasn't enough!

How to leave a Brazilians' home

Brazilians as a whole can be quite superstitious.  They have all kinds of traditions/superstitions related to Catholicism, native Brazilian culture/religions and African culture/religions imported via the slave trade.  (N.B. most things we now refer to as 'Brazilian culture' originated in African culture, FYI).


I have seen a few interesting traditions/superstitions being carried out here.  One of the most dramatic happened when I was in Rio.  We went to the beach one morning and there were white flowers strewn all around, which appeared to have been washed in by the tide.  Short of a tanker ship full of fresh flowers capsizing out at sea, we couldn't work out what the hell was going on.  We then observed a few random middle-aged women walking up and down the beach selling white flowers to passers-by, who then walked up to the sea and threw them in.  The amount of people throwing white flowers into the sea increased as the day wore on: there were streams of people walking towards Copacabana beach with a bunch of flowers in hand in the evening.


After some googling, we found out it all had to do with the Afro-Brazilian religions of Candomblé and Umbanda, created by the slaves.  It has something to do with the goddess Yemanja, Queen of the Ocean.  On February 2nd they give her offerings for good luck, healthy pregnancy, etc.  Basically most people do it out of tradition/superstition.  It was a very beautiful thing to watch happening.  People of all ages and generations were taking part.  I should have taken pictures.


Something not quite as religious is the superstition around guests leaving the home.  When you leave a Brazilians home, you wait for them to open the front door for you.  You DO NOT open it yourself.  This is because of a superstition that states that if a guest lets themselves out of your front door, they won't return again.  I sometimes wonder if they allow people they don't like to let themselves out on purpose so they don't have to see them anymore.  I would, if I believed it were true.


I am constantly almost letting myself of people's homes.  I usually get my hand on the door handle, freeze and withdraw sheepishly apologising "sorry, it's all yours".  I'm not kidding, they NOTICE it if you open the door yourself.  They give you a LOOK - it's a mix between horror and surprise.  


Yet still after 5 months I haven't got the hang of it.  Oh well.

Nice things about Brazilians

I'm making this list to balance out my bitching....and because everything here is true.

1. They smile a lot.  When someone catches your eye on the bus by mistake they don't scowl, they smile at you.  When you buy something from a lanchonete/shop/supermarket and say "obrigada" ("thank you") they respond "de nada" ("you're welcome") and smile at you.  When you're squashed into a metro train like a sardine at rush hour, people catch each other's eyes and smile as if to say "funny, isn't it?"  Here if someone you don't know smiles at you, they're simply being friendly - which is what Brazilians do best.  Additionally, they have very broad & genuine smiles that takes over their whole face.  I've never seen a fake smile here, which I'm used to seeing frequently in London.

2. They live for the moment.  The French have a term for it ("joie de vivre") but the Brazilians are the ones who really have it.  One Brazilian I know summed this up rather well: "We all have problems: I have problems, you have problems, everyone has problems.  But, today is Sunday; let's worry about our problems tomorrow, eh?"

3. They don't sweat the small stuff.  Situation: someone slams into you quite hard by accident walking the opposite way in an underground station - what do you do? A) scream "FOR F*** SAKE, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE F***ING GOING YOU F***ING C***", or B) ignore it and keep walking.  Brazilians choose option B.  Little things that would drive any european into an indignant rage just don't bother Brazilians. Examples: someone else's dog barking and lunging at you as you walk past, someone opening the window on the bus when you're sitting right under it and it's pissing down with rain outside, queuing for ages at the supermarket, queuing for ages at the bank, people being a rude and condescending, people speaking loudly on their mobiles on public transport, people playing music too loudly on their headphones (also on public transport).  Brazilians don't get wound up about this stuff.  I think this is part of the reason why Italians and Brazilians don't mix well (although they are both equally emotional): Italians get wound up about everything and Brazilians just don't.

The Help

Yeah, I know there's a film out at the moment with the same name.  I haven't seen it yet, but from what I gather it is somewhat related to the content of this blog entry.  Whatevs.

Incase you didn't know already, I am working as an English Teacher here in Brazil.  It's really hard to classify people into 'classes' in Brazil, since the gap between the rich and the poor is a massive gaping canyon, and classifying people is never a good idea.  What you need to know for the purposes of this blog is that Sao Paulo is the economic hub of Brazil (and South America in general, for that matter).  There are a lot of wealthy, rich people living in this city and they live very well.

However, you don't need to be a multi-millionaire to have help around the house.  We live in a one bedroom apartment and we have a maid come once a week to completely blitz the place, wash our bedclothes and defrost the fridge/freezer when it needs it.  In London I would never have been so extravagant.  I would have done the bloody cleaning myself, it's only a one bedroom flat for chrissakes.  Here, having a maid is not considered an extravagance - some people consider it a necessity.

I have mentioned before how labour is cheap in Brazil.  For most people here who are what I would normally categorize as middle-class in England, it is very normal to have a maid clean your house.  Most of the students whose homes I teach in have a maid (or two) who comes in every day.  I've been to a couple of homes that have a live-in maid.  When I tell them I have a maid that comes in once a week, my students often ask me: "What do you do the rest of the week? Once a week isn't enough!" The general consensus is that I should have a maid clean the flat twice a week.

The first apartment I stayed in did have a maid twice a week & apart from cleaning, she cooked rice, beans and some Bahian (as in, from Bahia - a state in the North East of Brazil) specialties once a week for the owner of the apartment.

A lot of larger houses and apartments were (and many still are) built with a maid's bedroom near the kitchen & service area, hidden away from the rest of the home.

It's all a bit Ancient Rome/Pre-war England, really.  A significant amount of people in this city spend their lives having everything done for them: dry-cleaning, laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping - the list is endless.

However, as a student said to me last week (she employs two maids at her house), this state of affairs cannot go on forever.  The Brazilian economy is experiencing a massive boom on a scale never known before.  Brazilians have never had this much money or opportunity.  The army of maids, valet parking attendants, cashiers, doormen etc will not want to be doing these jobs forever.  As the price of living increases in Brazil, they will demand higher wages (as they should: they are usually paid minimum wage, about £250 per month), they will (hopefully) receive a better education, they will have higher expectations of their lives - basically the whole hiring of 'help' will become something less and less accessible.

It's very interesting to be living in a country that appears to be right in the middle of a modern Industrial Revolution.  They might even end up having an actual revolution.  Errr....come to think of it: I hope not, that would be quite scary.

Brazilians are shameless white liars

Yup, every one of them is on some level.

This stems from the primal Brazilian need to please, or to be "simpatico" as they put it.  It can be both sweet and infuriating at the same time.

It is also related to their fear of causing offence.  By "offence" I don't mean being politically correct, I mean causing social embarrassment.  This means they will say whatever they think will make you feel good.

This can range from "You speak portuguese really well" (liars: I know I don't), "I love the British accent, it's so refined"(they find it really hard to understand) to "Let's meet up for beer sometime" (otherwise known as "I never want to see you again").  The problem with the last one is that they will actually give you their contact details (email, facebook, mobile number), you'll get in touch, they will respond, but the actual meeting never happens.  They will keep saying things like "I'm really sorry I can't do Saturday, can we reschedule for Monday? I'll email you with a place to meet".  You never receive that email.  When you follow up, they reschedule for another day and again don't confirm.  Or worst of all, they organise a day, time and place to meet, but they don't show up.  That one is pretty rare, but it's happened to me once.

What they consider politeness - in this case - we consider being unbelievably rude and thoughtless.  Where I come from, when you say you'll do something and you don't, you are instantly labelled as unreliable and flakey.  Here, it's just a matter of course.

They are incapable of saying a straight up "no".  It is not a part of their culture: it's considered incredibly rude.  I have had several students who work for large international corporations complain to me about how demanding Americans/English/Europeans are, that they are always having to work late to meet their demands, etc, etc.  I always then pose the following question: "Have you tried saying 'no'?"  The answer is always "I find it really hard saying 'no'".  No shit, you're a Brazilian.

The general rule is, unless a Brazilian actively communicates with you about meeting up after your first contact, they don't want to see you.  I do miss the English approach: if you don't want to meet someone in a social situation again, you just don't offer.

During my first couple of months here I found this part of Brazilian social etiquette infuriating.  Over time, I have come to understand that it is simply a part of their culture and I must accept it in order to avoid incurring a heart attack.  So, I have.  Now, when a Brazilian says to me "hey, let's meet up" I say "yeah, sure" and forget about it unless they contact me first.  "Live and let live" is the best attitude to take here.

And if they tell you your Portuguese is good, don't believe them.

Gay & Lesbian Scene in Sao Paulo - so far...

Sao Paulo Gay Pride Parade, Avenida Paulista

There have been some unbelievably rapid changes in law and attitude towards gays and lesbians in Brazil in the last 10-15 years or so.  Cities like Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro and Florianopolis are some of the most gay-friendly places to visit on earth.  The countryside of Brazil in places may be a different matter, but that's the same in most 'gay-friendly' countries anyway.

I regularly see PDAs between gay and lesbian couples every day in Sao Paulo, far more than I'm used to seeing in other cities like London, Toronto and Vancouver - all cities with sizeable gay populations.  

Despite having a slightly smaller gay population than Rio de Janeiro, Sao Paulo has the largest Gay Pride Parade.  In fact, it's the largest Gay Pride Parade in the world.  This year, on June 6th, 4.5 million people are expected to attend.  It has grown steadily in attendance since the first parade in 1997, which attracted 2,000.

My experience of the gay/lesbian scene in Sao Paulo so far, and from what I've been told, shows it to be very different from what I'm used to. 

Firstly, the amount of gay-oriented and lesbian-oriented bars/clubs in Sao Paulo is pretty much equal.  In London there are far more gay-oriented bars/clubs than lesbian-oriented ones.  The only bar I'm aware of that is specifically 'for' lesbians in London is 'Candy Bar' (which is a god-awful hell hole).  I remember hearing about something called the 'Oak Bar' in North London, but I lived in South London so it didn't appear on my radar.  There are quite a few lesbian 'nights', but very few dedicated venues. 

Gay-oriented bars and clubs in London, however, are diverse and many.  There are numerous gay venues in Soho, Vauxhall, Clapham, etc.  The majority of these are inclusive, which means that any member of the LGBT community (and in a lot of cases straight people) can attend.  Lesbian venues in London tend to be more 'cliquey'.  I remember once visiting the [now defunct] Glass Bar in Euston: I had to knock on a closed door, a girl popped her head out, looked me up and down, checked that I knew what kind of bar it was, then let me in and closed the door behind me.  This was back in 2005 - that kind of crap wasn't necessary, even for security reasons.  Candy Bar used to be almost as bad, but it has become more inclusive since being taken over by Ku Bar (a gay-owned chain of bars in Soho).  Lesbians (i.e, me) who aren't uptight will often attend gay bars/clubs because they're more relaxed and fun.

Generally, lesbians in London don't appear to go out as much as gay men.  They're more homely, they don't spend as much money when they go out - I used to think it was because lesbians were boring, but it's not.  It's just English culture.  Not everyone is like that of course (I'm not like that and neither are several of my friends), but it's a decent majority.

Things here are different.  Brazilians in general like having a good time, they like going out, they enjoy being sociable - it's a big part of their culture.  Lesbians here generally follow suit.  Lesbian venues here can be a lot of fun.  I went to one called Vermont on Sunday for their samba night.  There was an equal split between gay and lesbian clientelle, it was a very mixed crowd.  Gays are attracted to some lesbian venues in Sao Paulo the same way lesbians are attracted to some gay ones in London - they're just more relaxed and fun.  

The other nice thing about LGBT venues in Sao Paulo in general is that they're open to everyone - there's no one at the door checking if you're gay, there's no one giving you the once-over.  A venue may be oriented a certain way, but it's by no means exclusive.  Which is nice.  

The whole 'us and them' attitude doesn't help anyone and I'm glad it's not really an issue here.

Pavements in Sao Paulo, or the lack thereof

Being a pedestrian in Sao Paulo is a bit of a thankless task.  The city is clearly set up mostly with cars in mind.  Paulistanos love their cars.  Having said that, it's not set up particularly brilliantly for them either, but it's better than being a pedestrian.

In most cities I have known and lived in, the local government or City Municipality is responsible for maintaining pavements (sidewalks to Americans).  The local government in most cities is responsible for keeping pavements level, well-maintained, ensuring that they are accessible to the disabled, and safe to use.  Oftentimes, local government is responsible for keeping pavements gritted in cold weather to avoid accidents.  If a local government fails in this task and their negligence causes injury, they can be sued (and often are).

In Sao Paulo, this never f**king happens.  The Prefeitura (prefecture/city hall) doesn't appear to be in any way responsible for pavements.  Each individual property that opens out onto a pavement is responsible for the section of pavement directly in front of it.  Each property doesn't appear particularly responsible for keeping the pavement level, accessible, safe, or ensuring that pedestrians are able to step from one section of the pavement to the next without falling flat on their faces.  Some properties have well-maintained pavements and others clearly haven't bothered touching theirs for years.

Sao Paulo is also an extremely hilly city in parts - especially either side of Avenida Paulista (the main drag - think Oxford Street but not as obnoxious).  A lot of streets have very steep natural angles that are hard enough to deal with, never mind having to negotiate crappy pavements that go up and down without rhyme nor reason.

Paulistanas (female residents of Sao Paulo) are rather fond of high heels.  When I say "high heels", I mean the six-inch kind that could kill someone.  The fact that I have never seen a woman lose her balance or fall over in this type of footwear - given the atrociously unsafe state of the pavements in this city - never ceases to amaze me.  How the hell do they do it?  It's a major life skill - they should give lectures on the subject!

I personally have nearly lost my footing a few times, but they've always been near misses...and I wear flats...always.  As time goes on and I become more adept at moving myself efficiently around the city, my little 'trips' become more and more infrequent.

Still, some decent pavements wouldn't go amiss.

Observations: Kitchens

As previously mentioned, most apartments and houses only have a cold water supply.  A proper hot water supply such as we are used to in Europe/US/Canada is the preserve of the super-rich and, err... footballers.  This means the sink, washing machine, etc all only use cold water.

Kitchen sinks are usually square/rectangle-shaped and deep.  Most sinks will have a double-sided draining board which is completely flat.  Older/nicer apartments & houses will have draining boards made of solid stone.  Some more modern and cheaper draining boards are just made of metal.  They're crap.  The draining boards made of stone are obviously better, you simply use a squeedgy to wipe the water and dirt off.

Kitchen appliances in peoples homes often look cheap and/or old compared to what you would be used to.  Don't be fooled.  Kitchen appliances in Brazil - especially in Sao Paulo - are really expensive.  Seriously, even in GBPs they can be 2, 3 sometimes 4 times the price depending on the brand and how common/rare the style/type of appliance is.  People here don't replace washing machines or fridge-freezers because they are old/don't look nice/don't fit in with the new decor, they replace them only if they stop working.  Getting appliances that match is the preserve of the rich too.  Brazilians tend to buy the simplest thing that works.

This is because almost everything electrical in Brazil is imported and the import duty is astronomical - at least 60% - not to mention 20% VAT added on top (in SP state).  Having said that, good appliances can last a long time and we have been impressed with the reliability of their gas stoves & ovens.  The child safety catches are a pain in the ass though.

Dishwashers are rare, I haven't actually seen one in a house or apartment yet.  They are available, but again they're expensive.  Also, the people who can afford them can usually afford a maid to come in a couple of times a week and clean for them, and they'd rather have that than a dishwasher.  It's all a bit Ancient Rome - I'll write a blog about it another time.

Most kitchens will have an additional room/area attached to it called the 'área de serviço' (service area).  This is a room specially for doing laundry.  Here you will find an upright washing machine, a handwashing sink (very deep, with an angled ridge for scrubbing), and a clothes horse (often hanging from the ceiling - ingenious).  There are usually some cupboards and storage in this room specifically used for household cleaning products, laundry detergent, etc.  Brooms, brushes, rubber floor sweepers for washing the floors are kept here too.  The área de serviço is always well ventilated and near a window for the rapid drying of clothes.  It is rare to see a dryer in a home: they use up a lot of electricity and they're not needed most of the time - clothes dry quickly in the heat.


Kitchen floors are almost always tiled.  They will often have a drain or two on the floor in the room for the purposes of cleaning the floor.  Tiled floors are cleaned by flooding the floor with soapy water and pushing the water towards the drains with a rubber broom.  The rubber broom also wipes the floor dry.  I much prefer it to mopping - that takes ages to dry and you have to keep wringing the mop.


Brazilian kitchens don't often have a lot of kitchen surfaces or room to prepare food.  I have no idea why this is, it's really aggravating.  We end up using the sink area a lot for that kind of thing.  Also, they don't tend to have a lot of cupboard space.  I'm mystified by this, too.


Cutlery and crockery are cheap and tatty looking.  Most people use cutlery that has plastic handles, it's unusual to see decent quality all-metal cutlery.  Decent quality crockery sets are also rare (and expensive).  I've seen a fair amount of plastic crockery in use.  Ceramic crockery is expensive, even the kind we would normally consider basic.  Brazilians love their tupperware - every home has an impressive stock in a range of sizes and colours.


They use pressure cookers a LOT.  Mainly for rice and beans (which they eat all the time), but I'd imagine it's for other stuff too.  It's actually a novel way to save on gas consumption.  Brazilians are very concerned with keeping their gas and electricity bills down.


Toasters: they don't use them.  They all seem to have electric sandwich-makers and toaster ovens, which is nice, but they're not toasters.  They don't eat toast.  I, however, do.  I'm English: I like to eat toast for breakfast.  Toasters are available to buy (they're not very good), so we bought one.  It makes me feel human,

BLOCO!!!

I went to my first Bloco last weekend!  Yay!

Actually, I'm going to backtrack to a day before the Bloco, which was Saturday.  I came home from doing something boring... I think it was looking for a multifunction copy/scanning/faxing/printing/does-the-washing-up machine with my mum.  It had been pissing with rain all day.  I was in a bad mood, possibly because I was starting to suffer from cabin fever as a result of spending more time with my mother than is healthy at my age.

I got a text as I walked in the door from my new friend Kelly (Brazilian: friend-of-another-Brazilian-friend from London).  She had already mentioned the Bloco thing on facebook for Sunday, but as far as I was aware, I was having another 'cozy' night in with my mother in front of the television on Saturday night.
"Hi!!!!" the text said "There's a party at a friends house today. do you want to go?"
"Hmmm, do I want to go?" I said to my mother, "I'm tired."
"Go! Go, go, GO!" she replied.

I know when to take a hint.

I ate some dinner, spiked my squash with a small teaspoon of guarana powder (I still can't believe that stuff is legal) and zipped over to the other side of Bela Vista.  Kelly welcome me with a glass of wine (or two), we then walked to the nearest 24 hour store to pick up a LOT of beer and got on the metro to Belem.  At Belem we hung around in the spitting rain for a delightfully ditzy Luiz (Kelly's best friend) to work out exactly which metro station in Sao Paulo we were waiting for him, despite the fact that he grew up in Sao Paulo and he had been to Marco's (the guy who's birthday it was) house about 10 times before.  Gay men are the same everywhere, bless their little cotton socks.

When I got to the house, I was very pleased to discover it was my kind of house party: a pair of decks and loudspeakers blasting out good quality house music, a refrigerator (and freezer) full of alcohol, and gay men majorly outnumbering women in the room.

N.B. Despite being a lesbian, I don't actually enjoy hanging out with lesbians.  Not all of them (obviously, or I'd be terminally single), but a lot of them.  The following are lesbian traits I strongly dislike: veganism/vegetarianism (combined with a 'holier than thou' attitude), militant feminism (being a lesbian doesn't mean you have to hate men), lesbian drama (don't ask), drinking too much and getting into fights in the street/club/bar, and taking oneself too seriously.  I don't take myself seriously and I like to hang out with people of the same mindset.  I like going out, having fun, partying hard and generally just enjoying myself.  This is why I tend to get on very well with gay men, they tend to be rather light-hearted too.  Again, not all gay men are like that but there is a significant majority who are.  I am in my element when surrounded by gay men.  I love them, and (as far as I'm aware) they love me.

Long story short, I didn't get to sleep until 6.30am Sunday morning.  I woke up at 2pm to another text from Kelly:
"Are you alive?? I have a terrible hangover!!! Let's go to the bloco?  It's at 4."
I managed to get myself over to Kelly's flat around 4.30pm, just as it started to bucket down (yet again).  We hung around the apartment for another half an hour waiting for the rain to disperse, then made our way to Bloco.  After inexplicably getting lost despite being only 3 blocks away and hiding from the rain twice, we got to the Bloco.

It. Was.  AWESOME.  This particular Bloco was an 'alternative' one (it was called 'Bloco Academicos do Baixo Augusta').  The Porta Bandeira (usually a woman, carries the flag of the samba school at the front of the procession at Carnaval) was male and in a wheelchair.  It was held in what was probably a car park during the week.  They didn't have a license from the city to parade through the streets, so the party was literally held within the car park block.  The car park enclosure had completely filled out with people and there were people watching from outside the square on the streets, pissing off all passing cars I'll bet.  The music was played by a brass band.  They played everything: Brazilian contemporary/pop music - new and old, samba tunes, Jimi Hendrix, Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder....they even played "Age of Aquarius".

It was raining cats and dogs; we got absolutely soaked.  Everyone was dancing & singing - the atmosphere wasn't dampened in the slightest.  There were people splashing about in puddles wearing canvas plimsoles, spraying foam from cans into the crowd, throwing confetti on each other.  And lots and lots of beer.  Brilliant.

Downside: everything I was wearing got soaked, I stubbornly refused to have a shower at Kelly's, preferring to wait till I got home, and ended up with an annoying cold on Monday & Tuesday.

Totally worth it.

Observations: RAIN

This picture just doesn't do the sheer volume of rain the justice it deserves

When one thinks about Brazil, the first things that probably come to mind are: beaches, gorgeous people, hot weather and sunshine.  The last thing that would come to mind is rain.  But there is plenty of it.

Sao Paulo has a sub-tropical climate.  This means the weather is in a constant state of flux which generally follows this pattern:

1. Sunshine
2. Heat
3. More heat
4. Even more heat
5. Humidity
6. Higher humidity
7. Extreme humidity
8. Skies cloud over & darkness descends
9. Winds blow
10. Heavens rumble
11. Heavens open
12. Tropical rain/rainstorm
13. Rain abates
14. Temperature drops several degrees
15. Air is fresh
16. Sunshine returns & the whole cycle repeats again from step 1.

Ok, so that makes it all sound a little Biblical, but it really is rain on a Biblical scale.  The rain storms happen very quickly.  One minute you're walking down the street enjoying some blazing hot sunshine and all of a sudden everything will go dark, the sky will cloud over, a strong wind will start up and then the rain just lets rip.  You literally have minutes to find some decent cover.

Oh, and forget about an umbrella.  An umbrella will not help you in a Sao Paulo downpour, you will not be able to walk through it with the help of one.  It will help you during that first few minutes and maybe afterwards when the rain has died down a bit, but not in the middle.  In the middle there will be rivers of water rushing down the streets and massive pond-like puddles gathering between the road and the pavement.  Just resign yourself to having to wait it out if you're unlucky enough to be caught mid-walk.

The other thing I have noticed is the rain falls straight down here.  There are no angles or a direction to the rain, it falls flat like a brick (sometimes it feels like one).  This is probably because it so heavy, the raindrops can't be pushed around by the wind.  The noise is also incredible.  The raindrops hit the floor with such force: the sound is like a crowd roaring at a Premier League football match.

I once made the mistake of going out without an umbrella when the sky had just started clouding over.  I only had to walk about 20 minutes to my meeting.  I looked up at the sky and reckoned I that had enough time to get there before the rain got impossible.  I arrived 45 minutes late, looking like a drowned rat.  The guy I had the meeting with was most gentlemanly about the fact he could see straight through my t-shirt at my bra.

General Observations: Bathrooms

I've been putting together a list of things that are different/interesting about various aspects of life in Brazil.  Today's topic is bathrooms.

Showers
Pretty much every home has a shower.  It is unusual to have a bath - houses or larger/older apartments might have one.  The water supply consists only of cold water.  Usually, the only household fixture in an apartment or house that produces hot water will be the shower.  This is only because the shower fitting is connected to the mains electricity and the cold water is heated up this way.  If the electricity supply goes down, you will be having some seriously cold showers.  I have experienced this a couple of times.  Because of the way the water in the shower is heated, it never really gets as hot as it does in a boiler system - Brazilian showers are usually just warm enough or lukewarm.  Showers cubicles here are often rectangular in shape, which means plenty of room to move around inside, and the drainage system is excellent.  The bottom is usually tiled very well with a ridge around the edge, so no water can escape into the rest of the bathroom.  Shower installations are very solid here.

Toilets
They usually have a button flush on the top, other than that they're not particularly different to what I've seen before.  What is different is the Brazilian plumbing system: it cannot handle toilet paper being flushed down the loo, the pipes are too thin.  Therefore, bathroom & toilet cubicles everywhere have a little bin supplied for the disposal of used toilet paper.  YES, EVEN WHEN YOU'VE DONE A NUMBER TWO.  Sounds a bit gross, huh?  I was pretty grossed out to begin with myself.  I made the mistake of flushing my used toilet paper down the loo for my first couple of weeks in Brazil, which caused a blockage in the toilet at the apartment I was staying at.  After that, I learned my lesson, bit the bullet, and learned to wrap up my used toilet paper neatly and dispose of it in the bins provided.

Sinks
As mentioned before, there is only a cold water supply to most homes so sinks usually only have one tap: the cold one.
N.B. Having said that most bathrooms only have a single cold tap, there are some that don't.  Like, at the Copacabana Palace, for instance.  My mother went in there to use their bathrooms and saw two taps on each sink.  It had been so long since she had seen a sink with two taps, that she had forgotten how to use them.  Plus, the taps were marked 'F' ('frio' = cold) and 'Q' ('quente' = hot) so she had to stand there for a few seconds to work out which one was which.

Bathrooms in general
Most bathrooms are completely tiled over: the walls, the floor, the shower - everything.  You won't see lino or carpet in a bathroom in Brazil.  It really is the most practical way to fit out a bathroom - it's easy to clean and lasts ages.

Home Sweet Home!

So we arrived back in Sao Paulo yesterday.  Because it's us, something went wrong.  The coach broke down on the motorway about 10-15 minutes from the Rodoviaria (coach station).  We had to wait about 30-40 minutes for them to send a replacement coach which was supposed to take 10 minutes, while the inside of the broken down coach got increasingly hot because the driver had to switch the air conditioning off.

When the replacement coach came, it came complete with two Military Police officers.  They oversaw the transfer of the luggage from coach to coach.  It seemed to us that the coach driver had waited until he was through the ring of favelas surrounding Sao Paulo, before he parked the coach on the hard shoulder.  Interesting.

When we got on the replacement coach, we met a very nice Brazilian lady who spoke English, who was travelling with her mother and young daughter to whom she was just beginning to teach English.  The little girl was overjoyed to be able to show off her knowledge of numbers and basic words in English.  After going through a few phrases, she then said to me:
"Vocês moram em São Paulo?" ("Do you live in Sao Paulo?") 
"Sim, nos moramos em Sao Paulo" I replied ("Yes, we live in Sao Paulo") 
"Vocês devem falar Português, se vocês vivem em São Paulo!" she exclaimed. ("You must speak Portuguese if you live in Sao Paulo!") 
"Eu sei, eu falo um pouco de Portugues" I responded. ("I know, I speak a little Portuguese")


Anyway, the very nice lady (who was called Andriana) took us to the taxi rank and helped us get a taxi, which was very nice of her.  I'm convinced that taxi drivers hear my accent and charge me at least 50% extra.


N.B. For anyone who reads my blog and thinks I have a very low opinion of Brazilians, that is simply not the case.  They are capable of great feats of helpfulness and kindness on a scale that I am not accustomed to in the UK or Canada, possibly in some parts of the US you might experience it.  No matter how many assholes I come across in Brazil who try to screw me or my mother over, I would much rather be in Brazil dealing with Brazilian "nuances" than in England dealing with the English.  For every dickhead here, there are at least five lovely people.


I have to admit I'm really glad to be back in SP.  Rio was beautiful, I had a really nice relaxing holiday, experienced some amazing sight and sounds...but somehow coming back to SP is a bit like coming back to civilisation.  When I saw the skyscrapers and highrises in the distance I felt relief.  And a bit of excitement.  I'm finally starting my new life proper!


I've thought about a few things that make me prefer SP to Rio:

1. The weather - in Rio the heat is sweltering.  It gets far more humid and it also feels hotter in Rio than it does in SP - and it's the kind of heat that I just can't handle.  I was running errands today and it was the same temperature here as it was in Rio, but it felt a lot fresher.  I know Paulistanos complain about the humidity here, but it's really not that bad.  Now I've been to Rio, I appreciate the weather more in SP. 
2. The transport system - Rio has 2 metro lines, SP has 5...and 6 CPTM lines (overground).  Also, bus drivers in Rio drive like lunatics.  I thought they were bad in SP, but they're positively slow in comparison.
3. The service is better - when you go to a supermarket, restaurant, shop, etc the staff are far more helpful and welcoming in SP than they are in Rio.  Shop assistants in Rio sometimes make you feel like they're doing you a favour by doing their jobs.  Shop assistants in SP on the other hand, though they are far less likely to speak even a small amount of English, will try much harder to help if you have a problem.  They seem to be far more interested in providing a good service and doing a good job than they are in Rio.
4. Things just...work better here.  Don't ask me how or why, they just do.

The new apartment is great.  IT IS SO GOOD TO HAVE INTERNET AGAIN.  And cable TV.  And a washing machine.  And a service area.  And a kitchen that you can just about swing a cat in.  And a bed that doesn't give me backache.  And an actual table with chairs.  And STORAGE.


The only bad thing is that I've completely lost the muscle tone in my legs that I had built up over two months of walking up and down the steep hills of SP every day.  Copacabana is completely flat, as were most of the places we visited, so the next couple of weeks in Bela Vista are gonna be a bitch.

Corcovado/Cristo Redentor (The Christ) VS. Pao de Acucar (Sugarloaf)

As with seeing any other tourist sight in a large city anywhere in the world, timing is everything.  If you go at the wrong time of day and the place is rammed, you will not only have a thoroughly unpleasant experience jostling through crowds of people but you will also have paid through the nose for it.  Therefore, I am about to pass on to you three very important pieces of tourist advice if you want to make the most of seeing both Corcovado and Pao de Acucar during peak tourist season (i.e. January):

1.     Corcovado – GET UP EARLY & CATCH THE FIRST TRAIN UP THE MOUNTAIN.  Why? The queue to get tickets is short, you will not get jostled around, it’s not schvitzing, it will not be wall-to-wall bodies when you get to the top, you can actually get some decent shots of you in front of the statue, the view from the top is clear (if you go later in the day, sometimes the Corcovado clouds over and you can’t see anything).

2.     Pao de Acucar – GO AT THE END OF THE DAY AND WATCH THE SUNSET.  Why?  Again, it’s not busy, you will not get jostled, you can get up without much fuss, the ‘recreational areas’ aren’t packed, the sunset over the city is sensational.

3.     DO NOT GO TO EITHER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.  Are you mad???  Why, why, why do people do this to themselves???  It will be packed, people will be knocking into you left right and centre, it will takes ages to get up, longer to come down and worst of all it will be boiling hot.  Don’t do it!  If you’re going to pay an arm and a leg, make it worth your while!

Visiting both the Corcovado and Pao de Acucar is not cheap.  We took the train to the top of Corcovado, which set us back R$43 (£16) each.  You can take a van up there for a few reais less, but we’ve been told it’s not as pleasant an experience and the extra cost is worth it. 

To go to the Corcovado, we got up at the crack of dawn around 6.30am & left the apartment about 7.45am (I take a while to get going in the morning – sue me).  We got to the little train station about 8.20am and took the very first train of the day at 8.40am, arriving at the top around 9am. 

The train journey was lovely, the views from the top were great, the statue was very impressive, but they could have done a bit more to make the facilities up there a bit nicer considering how much money they must be making on the thing.  Also, some complete bastard of an insect got under my t-shirt and bit me VERY hard while I was taking a picture of the Christ, which made me really paranoid about being bitten again, so we can’t have spent more than about an hour up there.  To be honest, that’s all we needed because it was starting to fill up about 10am anyway.  Glad I did it, but I’m never doing it again.

 

One of the trains coming down from the top of Corcovado & me looking like a bloody tourist

View from the top!

Pao de Acucar was a totally different kettle of fish.  It costs R$10 more to take the cable car (R$53/£21) but it’s a far better experience & view (in my humble opinion). 

You actually take two trips to get to the top: one cable car takes you to the peak of Morro da Urca (Urca Mountain) then you take another from there to the peak of Pao de Acucar. 

The facilities on Morro da Urca are quite impressive: shops, cafes, plenty of viewing decks, ample seating on very comfortable chairs, tables, an amphitheatre displaying a film about the history of the mountain & the cable car company, and a small museum area showing the inner workings of the cable system.  Everything is clean and cared for, all the staff speak some level of English, they don’t sell the usual tat in the shops – the souvenirs were actually really nice.

The peak on Pao de Acucar isn’t as flat so the cable car company didn’t have as much room to work with, but again they’ve made the most of the space they have: viewing decks, comfortable seating, tables, shops and snack bars.  They also have well-maintained paths and stairs going down the mountain into the ‘ecological park’ that they have cultivated on the forested side of the mountain.

But the most impressive thing of all was the view.  It. Was. Amazing. You could see the whole of Rio de Janeiro from up there: the city, the mountains, the Christ, the beaches & the sea.  The sunset was simply breathtaking.  We got to the top about 6.45pm and stayed until the very last cable car was leaving at 8.30pm.  I could have come earlier and stayed all afternoon and evening: it was that fabulous up there.

The only improvement I would suggest would be to open a really fancy bar/restaurant on Morro da Urca, like they have at the top of Tower 42 in London or the CN Tower in Toronto.  I have paid through the nose to have dinner at the top of the CN Tower and I have never regretted it – I would have paid more.  They have a lot of spare space on the Morro da Urca complex that they’re not doing much with.  They could make it a real evening hotspot.

All in all, Pao de Acucar was well worth the R$53 price tag and we’re actually thinking of doing it again before we leave.

Botafogo beach & surrounding area

Morro da Urca viewed from Pao de Acucar

Sunset over Rio - Copacabana beach on the left

Night view of Flamengo beach