Yup, every one of them is on some level.
This stems from the primal Brazilian need to please, or to be "simpatico" as they put it. It can be both sweet and infuriating at the same time.
It is also related to their fear of causing offence. By "offence" I don't mean being politically correct, I mean causing social embarrassment. This means they will say whatever they think will make you feel good.
This can range from "You speak portuguese really well" (liars: I know I don't), "I love the British accent, it's so refined"(they find it really hard to understand) to "Let's meet up for beer sometime" (otherwise known as "I never want to see you again"). The problem with the last one is that they will actually give you their contact details (email, facebook, mobile number), you'll get in touch, they will respond, but the actual meeting never happens. They will keep saying things like "I'm really sorry I can't do Saturday, can we reschedule for Monday? I'll email you with a place to meet". You never receive that email. When you follow up, they reschedule for another day and again don't confirm. Or worst of all, they organise a day, time and place to meet, but they don't show up. That one is pretty rare, but it's happened to me once.
What they consider politeness - in this case - we consider being unbelievably rude and thoughtless. Where I come from, when you say you'll do something and you don't, you are instantly labelled as unreliable and flakey. Here, it's just a matter of course.
They are incapable of saying a straight up "no". It is not a part of their culture: it's considered incredibly rude. I have had several students who work for large international corporations complain to me about how demanding Americans/English/Europeans are, that they are always having to work late to meet their demands, etc, etc. I always then pose the following question: "Have you tried saying 'no'?" The answer is always "I find it really hard saying 'no'". No shit, you're a Brazilian.
The general rule is, unless a Brazilian actively communicates with you about meeting up after your first contact, they don't want to see you. I do miss the English approach: if you don't want to meet someone in a social situation again, you just don't offer.
During my first couple of months here I found this part of Brazilian social etiquette infuriating. Over time, I have come to understand that it is simply a part of their culture and I must accept it in order to avoid incurring a heart attack. So, I have. Now, when a Brazilian says to me "hey, let's meet up" I say "yeah, sure" and forget about it unless they contact me first. "Live and let live" is the best attitude to take here.
And if they tell you your Portuguese is good, don't believe them.
Funny thing, I'm Brazilian and I did not knew that this was part of our culture.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you, unluckily, met a lot of liars while here.
(More rude than not saying "no" is to generalize a whole nation as liar).
(sorry just stumbled across your blog and needed to say that. Because you are committing a huge mistake in associating a common bad habit of a certain group as "culture")
Funny thing, I've lived in Brazil for a year and a half, I'm in a relationship with a Brazilian, and all my friends are Brazilian, and they are all the first to admit that Brazilians frequently "white lie" and can't say 'no'. In fact, it was other Brazilians who explained this part of the culture to me. If you didn't know about it, you're either oblivious or you don't actually know what a "white lie" is.
DeleteI'm not labelling Brazilians "liars" I'm saying they "white lie" a lot. From the indignation in your comment I can tell you don't actually know what that means, you're just taking the opportunity to jump to conclusions and get aggressive. Another habit of a certain kind of Brazilian.
A "white lie" is not something negative, it's a small lie that people use to avoid causing offence. E.g. your girlfriend asks you if she looks fat in an outfit, you don't say "yes" even if she does because women can be touchy and insecure about their appearance, so the best answer is "no" (a white lie) in order not to hurt feelings and make her feel good about herself. All nationalities use this kind of lie, Brazilians just tend to use it more often than most.
Finally, a bad habit of a large group IS culture - the same way the British have a bad habit of being xenophobic - it's part of our culture. Culture isn't just art and dance and pretty happy things, it's also the way people interact socially - be it for good or bad. Look it up.
You're absolutely right! hahahaha I'm Brazilian and I know how infuriating this attitude can be! That's why I always try to avoid it!
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