The Help

Yeah, I know there's a film out at the moment with the same name.  I haven't seen it yet, but from what I gather it is somewhat related to the content of this blog entry.  Whatevs.

Incase you didn't know already, I am working as an English Teacher here in Brazil.  It's really hard to classify people into 'classes' in Brazil, since the gap between the rich and the poor is a massive gaping canyon, and classifying people is never a good idea.  What you need to know for the purposes of this blog is that Sao Paulo is the economic hub of Brazil (and South America in general, for that matter).  There are a lot of wealthy, rich people living in this city and they live very well.

However, you don't need to be a multi-millionaire to have help around the house.  We live in a one bedroom apartment and we have a maid come once a week to completely blitz the place, wash our bedclothes and defrost the fridge/freezer when it needs it.  In London I would never have been so extravagant.  I would have done the bloody cleaning myself, it's only a one bedroom flat for chrissakes.  Here, having a maid is not considered an extravagance - some people consider it a necessity.

I have mentioned before how labour is cheap in Brazil.  For most people here who are what I would normally categorize as middle-class in England, it is very normal to have a maid clean your house.  Most of the students whose homes I teach in have a maid (or two) who comes in every day.  I've been to a couple of homes that have a live-in maid.  When I tell them I have a maid that comes in once a week, my students often ask me: "What do you do the rest of the week? Once a week isn't enough!" The general consensus is that I should have a maid clean the flat twice a week.

The first apartment I stayed in did have a maid twice a week & apart from cleaning, she cooked rice, beans and some Bahian (as in, from Bahia - a state in the North East of Brazil) specialties once a week for the owner of the apartment.

A lot of larger houses and apartments were (and many still are) built with a maid's bedroom near the kitchen & service area, hidden away from the rest of the home.

It's all a bit Ancient Rome/Pre-war England, really.  A significant amount of people in this city spend their lives having everything done for them: dry-cleaning, laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping - the list is endless.

However, as a student said to me last week (she employs two maids at her house), this state of affairs cannot go on forever.  The Brazilian economy is experiencing a massive boom on a scale never known before.  Brazilians have never had this much money or opportunity.  The army of maids, valet parking attendants, cashiers, doormen etc will not want to be doing these jobs forever.  As the price of living increases in Brazil, they will demand higher wages (as they should: they are usually paid minimum wage, about £250 per month), they will (hopefully) receive a better education, they will have higher expectations of their lives - basically the whole hiring of 'help' will become something less and less accessible.

It's very interesting to be living in a country that appears to be right in the middle of a modern Industrial Revolution.  They might even end up having an actual revolution.  Errr....come to think of it: I hope not, that would be quite scary.

Brazilians are shameless white liars

Yup, every one of them is on some level.

This stems from the primal Brazilian need to please, or to be "simpatico" as they put it.  It can be both sweet and infuriating at the same time.

It is also related to their fear of causing offence.  By "offence" I don't mean being politically correct, I mean causing social embarrassment.  This means they will say whatever they think will make you feel good.

This can range from "You speak portuguese really well" (liars: I know I don't), "I love the British accent, it's so refined"(they find it really hard to understand) to "Let's meet up for beer sometime" (otherwise known as "I never want to see you again").  The problem with the last one is that they will actually give you their contact details (email, facebook, mobile number), you'll get in touch, they will respond, but the actual meeting never happens.  They will keep saying things like "I'm really sorry I can't do Saturday, can we reschedule for Monday? I'll email you with a place to meet".  You never receive that email.  When you follow up, they reschedule for another day and again don't confirm.  Or worst of all, they organise a day, time and place to meet, but they don't show up.  That one is pretty rare, but it's happened to me once.

What they consider politeness - in this case - we consider being unbelievably rude and thoughtless.  Where I come from, when you say you'll do something and you don't, you are instantly labelled as unreliable and flakey.  Here, it's just a matter of course.

They are incapable of saying a straight up "no".  It is not a part of their culture: it's considered incredibly rude.  I have had several students who work for large international corporations complain to me about how demanding Americans/English/Europeans are, that they are always having to work late to meet their demands, etc, etc.  I always then pose the following question: "Have you tried saying 'no'?"  The answer is always "I find it really hard saying 'no'".  No shit, you're a Brazilian.

The general rule is, unless a Brazilian actively communicates with you about meeting up after your first contact, they don't want to see you.  I do miss the English approach: if you don't want to meet someone in a social situation again, you just don't offer.

During my first couple of months here I found this part of Brazilian social etiquette infuriating.  Over time, I have come to understand that it is simply a part of their culture and I must accept it in order to avoid incurring a heart attack.  So, I have.  Now, when a Brazilian says to me "hey, let's meet up" I say "yeah, sure" and forget about it unless they contact me first.  "Live and let live" is the best attitude to take here.

And if they tell you your Portuguese is good, don't believe them.

Gay & Lesbian Scene in Sao Paulo - so far...

Sao Paulo Gay Pride Parade, Avenida Paulista

There have been some unbelievably rapid changes in law and attitude towards gays and lesbians in Brazil in the last 10-15 years or so.  Cities like Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro and Florianopolis are some of the most gay-friendly places to visit on earth.  The countryside of Brazil in places may be a different matter, but that's the same in most 'gay-friendly' countries anyway.

I regularly see PDAs between gay and lesbian couples every day in Sao Paulo, far more than I'm used to seeing in other cities like London, Toronto and Vancouver - all cities with sizeable gay populations.  

Despite having a slightly smaller gay population than Rio de Janeiro, Sao Paulo has the largest Gay Pride Parade.  In fact, it's the largest Gay Pride Parade in the world.  This year, on June 6th, 4.5 million people are expected to attend.  It has grown steadily in attendance since the first parade in 1997, which attracted 2,000.

My experience of the gay/lesbian scene in Sao Paulo so far, and from what I've been told, shows it to be very different from what I'm used to. 

Firstly, the amount of gay-oriented and lesbian-oriented bars/clubs in Sao Paulo is pretty much equal.  In London there are far more gay-oriented bars/clubs than lesbian-oriented ones.  The only bar I'm aware of that is specifically 'for' lesbians in London is 'Candy Bar' (which is a god-awful hell hole).  I remember hearing about something called the 'Oak Bar' in North London, but I lived in South London so it didn't appear on my radar.  There are quite a few lesbian 'nights', but very few dedicated venues. 

Gay-oriented bars and clubs in London, however, are diverse and many.  There are numerous gay venues in Soho, Vauxhall, Clapham, etc.  The majority of these are inclusive, which means that any member of the LGBT community (and in a lot of cases straight people) can attend.  Lesbian venues in London tend to be more 'cliquey'.  I remember once visiting the [now defunct] Glass Bar in Euston: I had to knock on a closed door, a girl popped her head out, looked me up and down, checked that I knew what kind of bar it was, then let me in and closed the door behind me.  This was back in 2005 - that kind of crap wasn't necessary, even for security reasons.  Candy Bar used to be almost as bad, but it has become more inclusive since being taken over by Ku Bar (a gay-owned chain of bars in Soho).  Lesbians (i.e, me) who aren't uptight will often attend gay bars/clubs because they're more relaxed and fun.

Generally, lesbians in London don't appear to go out as much as gay men.  They're more homely, they don't spend as much money when they go out - I used to think it was because lesbians were boring, but it's not.  It's just English culture.  Not everyone is like that of course (I'm not like that and neither are several of my friends), but it's a decent majority.

Things here are different.  Brazilians in general like having a good time, they like going out, they enjoy being sociable - it's a big part of their culture.  Lesbians here generally follow suit.  Lesbian venues here can be a lot of fun.  I went to one called Vermont on Sunday for their samba night.  There was an equal split between gay and lesbian clientelle, it was a very mixed crowd.  Gays are attracted to some lesbian venues in Sao Paulo the same way lesbians are attracted to some gay ones in London - they're just more relaxed and fun.  

The other nice thing about LGBT venues in Sao Paulo in general is that they're open to everyone - there's no one at the door checking if you're gay, there's no one giving you the once-over.  A venue may be oriented a certain way, but it's by no means exclusive.  Which is nice.  

The whole 'us and them' attitude doesn't help anyone and I'm glad it's not really an issue here.