Saturday, 17 December 2011

Things that annoy me #1

I am a generally happy-go-lucky person (in person, haha), but I am also easily annoyed by little things.  As much as I have enjoyed living in this city for various reasons, there are several little things in Sao Paulo (maybe some of them are national things, I can't say yet) that annoy me.  I have decided I will make this an occasional feature called 'Things that annoy me' when I have at least three things to bitch about.

This is what I've got so far:

1. People walking slowly.  EVERYWHERE.  OH MY GOD. This is supposed to be the biggest metropolis in South America, every Brazilian in London I spoke to said "oh SP, that place is just work, work, work" so I was expecting a bit of a pace, but hell no.  People meander around as if they don't have a care in the world.  Rich people, business people, policemen, beggars, random crazy people, shop workers, cafe workers, people with their families.  You name it, everyone walks slow.  Not only do they walk slow, when there's a narrow pavement (if you're American, just assume that every time I say pavement I mean 'sidewalk' - you're just going to have to learn to translate) they walk in rows of maybe 3-4 people, talking to each other, totally oblivious to everyone and everything around them.  Saying "com licensa" does NOT work.  You literally have to walk ahead into the road to get around them.  Then when you get around one group, there's another one doing exactly the same thing.  And another one, and another one, and another one.  The problem is compounded when you try to walk down Avenida Paulista at one of the following times: morning rush hour, evening rush hour, lunch time.  Then there's the random stopping in the middle of the street.  People just stop in the middle of the street: sometimes to look at something, sometimes because they're having a particularly animated argument on their cell phone, sometimes because they forgot which way they're supposed to be going, sometimes because that lanchonete (snack shop) looked too good to pass up and they had to turn around - and they HAD to do it RIGHT in the middle of YOUR path.

2. People cancelling appointments.  Always at the last minute.  Even when you've confirmed the appointment with them in the morning, just to make sure because you know what Brazilians are like.  I've heard them all: "I forgot I have to take my car to the mechanics", "I have to pick up my kid", "Oh, I forgot I already had a meeting at that time - can we reschedule?".  Doesn't anyone use Outlook here?  They all have bloody iPhones or Blackberrys or super-duper Samsung touchscreen thingies -  fucking use them!!  If you can't guarantee you are going to make an appointment/meeting - DON'T FUCKING MAKE ONE.  And STOP wasting my time - I've got better things to be doing with it than waiting around for you NOT to show up!

3. Bureaucracy.  I've only just started touching on this, but they have a really weird way of sorting stuff out here.  We both got a 'Bilhete Unico' (a bit like an oystercard) for the transport system.  For some bizarre reason the chip in my Bilhete Unico malfunctioned and we had to get it reset.  We only discovered this after going to the metro station and telling the lady at the desk that the card wasn't working.  She didn't believe us, scanned it, said it was working fine.  We said it wasn't working because it couldn't be read on the 3 buses we tried it on yesterday - she said no, it was working fine.  We walked away and tried to get the balance reader to read the balance, it didn't work - she said no, it was working fine.  Then we told her to add some credit to it - let's see how well it's working, bitch.  When she tried that, she said "oh, it's not working" (no shit, Sherlock) and ONLY THEN did she tell us we'd need to get it reset.  "Can we get it reset here?" we asked. "No, you have to go to an SP Trans office".  "Can't you just replace it?" (not an unreasonable question, they replace oystercards for free in London if they malfunction) "No, you have to get it reset at the SP Trans office".  Of course, the SP Trans office was fucking miles away and was of naturally shut when we got there at 4.30pm.  HALF FOUR IN THE AFTERNOON.  We got it sorted in the end, but you bet your ass I'm being a hell of a lot more careful with my card now.
Another example: to apply for a CPF (tax number - you can't wipe your arse without one here) you have to go to a "Correios" (post office), give them your details and then they give you a "protocolo" which is a receipt with all your details that you then have to take to a "Poupa Tempo" (general government service centre) and they will give you the CPF.  Why can't they just frickin' give it to me at the Post Office?  Why do I have to travel to one of only TWO Poupa Tempos in SP that actually issue CPFs???  Oh sorry, make that ONE because the one in Praca da Se no longer deals with CPFs as of December 16th!!

4 comments:

  1. OMG, I could've written your #1 word for word. I thought that was just a Bahian thing; everyone here claims that people in Sao Paulo are in much more of a hurry. Now I know that isn't true!

    The forgot-where-I-was-going people are the worst... sometimes I am sorely tempted to run them over.

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  2. Weeelllll, I would say for Brazil Sao Paulo is quite fast, but in comparison to where I just came from - London - very very slow. Walking down Avenida Paulista for me is like walking down Oxford Street, but everyone is a tourist. It's worse.

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  3. Alice. As for people walking slowly. Sure what rush would be on ye? I've had arguments with my better half like this - "If we don't hurry the bank will be shut. They don't know we exist. We must walk faster. They actually won't wait for us" Result: Bank closes. Better half angry at bank.

    As for bureaucracy. Welcome to hell. Have some good podcasts ready and start smoking.

    As regards appointments, start making up mad excuses when you cancel on someone who has cancelled on you. Like, I've lost my favourite orange/it's raining/estou chegando etc and so forth...

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  4. People walk especially slow in SP when I'm trying to get to a meeting. I leave plenty of time to walk there, then everyone decides to dawdle.

    Poupatempo wasn't too bad actually - only 1 hour wait. Didn't even have to whip out the iPod.

    I'm making a list of pathetic excuses as we speak.

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